Valentines Love Stories

How do you start your healing journey when your heart has been broken so many times?

Emotionally...

A Valentines Story?

I said "I love you" to only one man "personally".
For me ... Those 3 words are so hard to speak... but I said it with ease to only one man just last year of July.

My Love Story...

Not many guys have "the guts" to visit our house... only had 2 suitors ...

First one, let's call him the network guy, met him when he was troubleshooting cable network in our house, way back when I was 17 or 18, he tried to court me, made himself clear that he like to know me more and wants me to be his wife someday...

That time, I wasn't looking for a husband, not even a boyfriend, but since he was so caring I told him maybe someday, but not at the moment because I want to finish my studies...
(I was doing self-study to prepare myself for placement exam... since I only had formal school up to grade 4 elementary due to health reasons I stopped... At the age of 17 its kinda awkward to attend 5th grade, besides I was using a wheelchair all the time from 12 y/o).

As I'm looking back now... while I was using a wheelchair, this network guy, he must have truly loved me even with my physical disabilities.

Since he knows I'm not ready for a serious relationship, he only calls every other day, visits on weekly or sometimes every other week... and would bring something to me.. just anything... told him not to bring me flowers ... cause its wasting money it will just die down (^_^) so he brought from fruits to dinner and even ice cream.
(I realize he truly loved me as me, even though I was in a wheelchair.)

After more than 6 months, it turned out he has a girlfriend - who called me on the telephone (landline) and was nagging at me... she even cried on the phone! (that experience was something I can't explain and forget... gave me a trauma - not to entertain any guys...

If someone says... he wants to court me... will quickly answer NO, always would think "he might have a girlfriend who will get mad at me"...

So yeah I confronted that first guy... and he said ... she was the ex-GF...
Do you expect me to believe someone who is an Ex could get mad like that???

That guy with dramatic GF is out of my heart and mind...

Last time we met accidentally around 2010 I think he was the owner of the Computer shop and was delivering computer to a shop when we crossed our path in Bonifacio St., he was with his friend, can't imagine what he said to his friend ("bai kabalo bah ka kini siya ang akoa gi ligawan sa una, pero wala nadayon, gwapa ra gyapon siya noh?") so flattered and speechless, he asked if I'm married, and who is the lucky guy...

Anyway, the other one guy, a criminologist, met him from a common friend, of a friend, who gave my number to him, (which I never ask and also didn't know)
he eventually got to know my trauma, because he is inquisitive and never assuming attitude, he always clarifies before giving his opinion...

so he said - only likes me as his "best friend" we had an awesome friendship... he calls me every day at our landline phone... as in twice a day morning and night or even 3x a day sometimes (if he has no class)...
for more than a year or two, we share so many things... constant, everyday communication, my parents thought he is my boyfriend, because whenever the phone rings on that certain time ... they know its for me as he is the one calling... but I said no, he is a best friend...

Then on 3rd year of our constant communication, he accidentally got someone pregnant, I know he is her girlfriend and something have been happening to them, but when he told me he got her pregnant (with his shivering voice) I felt something that crushed my heart... very heavy feeling in my chest... and I didn't know why I was crying, my eyes just filled with tears and was speechless, he asked me to elope with him, because he doesn't want to marry the girl, and that was his first time he told me "he loves me so much and feels so bad"... never told him I love him, even though deep inside I did...

I was too shocked and speechless, also crying, then we just end up the conversation to think things over... then after two weeks or so... (which the first time for 3 consecutive years of constant everyday communication, we didn't talk for 2 weeks!)
So, he asked for my answer with the offer! I didn't say yes ... part of me is saying its all wrong to elope with someone who will have a child with another woman, and I have a goal to finish college... We settled for being best friends, he didn't call me every day anymore... little by little it was only on weekly basis than monthly... till he just disappeared...after some years, finally passed all the placement exams, from being elementary, I was eligible for college... was already age 20+ ... and start to enroll at State University .. because it's cheaper and have high standard, my parents didn't support my college financially, as they reasoned out, I'm already above 18, during that time was working with Maryknoll Language Institute as web developer and computer secretary of a priest, as well as teaching the other priest on how to use computers. offered me scholarship, he will finance all expenses in my collage... he even says to enroll me at the prestigious university - Ateneo, as they have elevator, my dad advice was not to go with it, but to choose a university that I can afford even without the priest help cause what if he goes back to the USA and left me with so many expenses as Ateneo is way too expensive. Besides, Ateneo and USeP have the same standard except for the fact Ateneo is private mid to high class, and USeP is a public state university low to mid-class.

time flies...

I met someone online, a Spanish guy who lives in the UK and got a British accent (gave me hard time understanding him during our first 6 months talking, so we mostly exchange email to each other :)
this was before I started college (2000-2005) up to when I got to 2nd year... what I didn't like about him - making promises he can't keep... he told me he will come in our place, 4 years have passed he never came and I broke up with him, but he insisted to keep on sending me gifts and flowers, eventually, it reached 6th year of relationship where I finally ended it up. And, told him I'm choosing the other guy, he warned me, his exact words where I can never forget...
"that guy you choose will never marry you, but I can and will marry you, Indian tradition is to always marry their same kind. I used to have a girlfriend in that country!"
I didn't believe him... (but that was indeed a warning)


Now going back to the criminologist, he suddenly just contacted me and went to our school campus, on my final year in college 4th-year 1st semester ... he went to tell me, he is not yet married, and was hoping it will be us if I can still accept him and his son, it was a tough decision to make
(and during that time 2006, already got someone I considered "true love" whom I met online and was serious about him.
I remember very well he told me:
"you are serious with someone whom you never saw, but not choose someone whom you know in person!?"
I wasn't able to answer him... and that was the last time I saw him personally.
(I realize now that he also gave me a warning)

After a few years again, this time started working at the office... he just called our landline around evening, to say "Hi and said he is married and said I'm still his weakness, even though something bad happens to his wife, it wouldn't matter, but if something happens to me it can crush his heart". And, that was the last time I heard from him.

[We could have ended up together If I chose him way back...]

So what happened to that guy I choose over him? The online one... he got arranged marriage.

Eventually, the warning from the Spanish guy was right, but it was all too late.

This was the worse broken heart ever... after him I decided not to get into any relationship, for more than 5 years.... and all the guys I met were considered friends!

Years went by, I focus in developing my skills useful for work... surrounded by men because technical agents are common in males, there was a time, I was the only one female in brainstorming meeting... it was awkward, but I got the hang of it after some time.

I joined the organization "person with disabilities" called ADAP (Association of Differently Abled Person)... to share and inspire them...I have the heart to teach...but my schedule can't do it... office and learning new skills, and need to be a fast learner as the website has updates every now and then (Wordpress, Joomla, Drupal, Shopify, and other none CMS platforms...)

I remember, after the ADAP meeting, there is this man ... he offered me dinner, we went to Matina Town Square (MTS), my first to even go at MTS, the place for people to smoke and drink ... and he offers me a drink, and he was so upfront in telling me he already has a wife and kids but still want me to be his mistress... I got afraid because this man is involved in politics and well known in our city... prayed how to reject him nicely without insulting his feelings... Again God is truly protective of me that He kept me safe from him. He asked for my crochet pouch I made - a cellphone holder... said he will not bother me anymore as long as I gave that crochet pouch I made... I looked at him and gave him the pouch (even if I was still using it...well can always make another one).

More love story?

There was a Muslim, asking me to be his second wife. Because his first wife approved of me.
Yes, he introduces me formally to his first wife and daughter... and both are friendly to me... but I was focus on serving our church way back so ... I cannot compromise or else I need to step down from worship team... and that time we had a transition period, the church has a new Pastor (who is a good friend of mine) most members in church and worship team have been stepping down to do their stuff... so it is like only a few of us left and I don't want to hurt our Pastor, even more, his wife (who is also close to my heart) going through a tough time in church transition.

I also met an American who is a missionary Bible school teacher ... I would consider this man my first boyfriend personally... He never kissed me... cause we just met personally at the conference and in just 4 days we need to be apart from each other. We did continue long-distance relationship... but somehow due to his mindset... he wants me to give up everything and go to the City he is living... it is like way too fast in 1 month. I mean he could have at least plan to visit and meet my family YA KNOW!?

At the moment, only one man in this world, I said "I love you" to him personally, and he is the guy from 2005 whom I met online ... I choose above all them?

He finally went here last year and we met... at least we met personally.
... it's not easy for me to say those words really, even though I feel it... I don't usually say it... but just can't believe I said it to him personally it came from my heart and mind. Still, he is not mine.

Sometimes I thought...
Am I not that blessed in love life?
or The timing is never right!?
And, my decision maybe - was wrong?
I should have chosen the one who treats me as his best friend?
or the Spanish guy who gave me an engagement ring...

All the trauma and heartaches, "time heals", yes it does, but the reality is, every pain and wound leaves a scar.

I have chosen a man who didn't choose me.
is like I fought for love but he can't fight (because of arranged marriage)
He was mine from the start but ...

Happy Valentines' Day!

So what's your Valentine's Story?